Live Well: A Pickin' and a Grinnin' in Virginia (GIVEAWAY CLOSED)

"The mountains looks like teeth today...there is something unfathomably beautiful about old, broken down sheds in the country..."

That's what I wrote in my journal as a 13-year-old while riding to Morris Orchard to purchase apple cider with my Mom and Grandma almost 20 years ago. The drive, the scenery, and the organic opportunity to pick your own fruit and buy local, rural products still have the same affect on me as it did back then.

This is the prime time for pickin' in Virginia. The grinnin' is naturally implied.

I was proud to see that one of our own orchards were mentioned in Woman's Day article America's 10 Best Apple-Picking Spots: you can buy local wine and homemade apple and peach donuts atop the mountain at Carter Mountain Orchard. Instead of winding, country roads you'll find Carter Mountain near the heart of Charlottesville, VA.

However, I am partial to the orchards closer to home, each charming and individual in it's own way, offering a variety of activities and surprises tucked into their nooks and crannies:

Morris Orchard

The Basics

Morris Orchard is located in the town of Moneta, just off 29N (let's say on the way to Carter Mountain) before you reach the town of Amherst. This orchard was the staple for my family throughout my childhood and teenage years. Although they cannot take debit or credit cards (the cash only option makes it more charming although I have to imagine it damages their business somewhat) the non-commercial aspects of the facility, as well as the loyalty of the local customers, anchors the orchard. You can buy Gala, Golden Delicious, Jonagold, Ginger Gold, and Russet and the biggest sweet potatoes known to mankind.

They just started their first batch of cider this week. They also have honey, a variety of jams, and butters all from Virginia and a batch of goats and bunnies (this is a popular spot for children's field trips, obviously). 

I personally prefer to take grandmas and dogs.

                                                        (she found one blackberry)

Quirks and Perks

While there, you may splurge and purchase a signed copy of Florence Nixon's In the Shadow of Tobacco Row Mountain: Elon, Monroe, and Other Villages. I am a sucker for these types of books because they are limited quantity and they are by local authors, not to mention the local history with photos included. It's easy to find information about major historical sites but when you are curious about the christening of a oddly named, old country road, these books are gems. 

Johnson's Orchard

The Basics

I personally find Bedford to be one of the most charming Virginia towns and while meandering through the back roads, you'll find Johnson's Orchard. I will keep the basics simple because Johnson's Orchard has so MANY quirks and perks. You'll find almost 200 varieties of apple trees, several photo opts with a giant Johnny Appleseed, and the obligatory collection of jams, jellies, and spreads. The sales areas is their old packing shed so again, you have the real deal.

Perks and Quirks

Mostly everyone already realizes that I'm enamored with the proprietor, Danny Johnson, mostly because of the similarities between him and his fruit wine: you either love him or hate him (snooty people prefer both their wines and their company "dry"), he's always good for entertainment, and the intoxicating effect is a given. He also goes well with both cheese and chocolate.


The farm is friendly to children, dogs, and vacationers with a "petting zoo" and a rural retreat called Elmo's Rest. They offer over 25 wines (mostly sweet), a number of festivals, and the entertainment is second to none. 

Flippin-Seaman

The Basics

One of the best things about Flippin-Seaman is the drive to get there. I love Nelson County and I think if everyone knew about it, they would want to live there. The Seaman's allow you to pick your own September 17-18th and the Flippin family allows you to pick your own October 8-9. The view is nice, it's good exercise, and you get apples.

Quirks and Perks

The Apple Butter Makin' Festival is a marvelous opportunity to enjoy the fall weather and try something new with the family. There is also a corn maze which is a bucket list must and the usual crafts and food vendors. If you miss October 1st you can go back the 15th.

GIVEAWAY

One of my public followers will be self selected to receive Peach Moonshine Jelly from Carter Mountain Orchard and one will be selected to receive Carter Mountain Apple Butter. You can follow my blog by using the "join this site" link to the right.

Another winner selected at random will win a gift set from Carter Mountain including Apple Salsa, Peach Donut Cider, and Raspberry Vinaigrette. Make certain to leave your contact info in case you win if you don't have an account.

MANDATORY ENTRY:

Go to Carter Mountain Orchard's Website and leave a comment stating what else you would like to try.

Additional Entries:

Visit the Charlottesville tourism site and comment on one thing you would love to do while vacationing in Charlottesville.

Visit the Prince Michel site and comment on a wine you would like to try.

Giveaway ends October 14th.

Congratulations to David and Anastasia!

Live Well--Toxic Relationships

I have been blessed with healthy relationships. I still wince when I hear women talk about their abundant friendships with males in comparison to their dwindling, meager relationships with women:

"Women are so fake. Women are so catty. Women just don't like me."

I think to myself,"What's wrong with you or what's wrong with the women you're meeting?"

I have had the same close girlfriends since childhood. I am nearing anniversaries with both of them that span over two decades. I can summate our success in a few factors:

1. We still live in the same area

2. Our busy schedules have kept us apart.

3. Our similar interests and values have forced an investment to see around busy schedules.

In other words, we don't spend too much time together but we make time to enjoy time spent. I think this probably works for marriages too, but I'm no expert in that category.

A partner to these few factors are maturity, forgiveness, and patience. Your friends will change. So will you. If you refuse to accept or understand this and resign to it, problems will surface as mentioned by Kathryn Hoot's  commentary about letting go of toxic relationships in Woman's Day August article called,"The End of the Road." (You may hum the Boyz II Men song too if you were a teenager in the 1990's like I was.)

She got married and had a son and her friend she partied with did not adjust well, to say the least. Instead, she refused to accept the change and even criticized her friend. Realizing the futility of the situation, she let go of her friend.

I can tell you that when I was working 14 hour shifts as a manager at Macys in my early twenties, it was no consolation to visit my best friend during a lull between working hours to find her in her pajamas at lunch time eating Bon Bons (yes, she really was eating Bon Bon's) with her two children, lackadaisically, as if she didn't have a care in the world.

I was irritated at her lack of work ethic. (You stay at home moms are of course, gasping in horror at this statement.)

Truthfully, I was irritated that it was not me that was married and staying at home with children, which is honestly all I ever wanted to do. The fact that I was making more money than my parents and owned clothes that cost more than my first car made no difference. I wasn't getting what I wanted.

These trivial matters that balloon into points of rivalry--albeit hidden and masked--can ruin relationships. In my case, the glue that held my relationship with Amanda together (the Bon Bon eater herself) was comprised of a few important ingredients (none of which were chocolate or butter cream):

1. I truly loved my friend.

This love specifically blossomed out of a life time of shared experiences, values, and family friendships and loyalties. We grew up in church together. She respected my mother, who was also her pastor, and was often greatly concerned about what she thought and felt about her. That tied into me. We had been through High School Dances and Youth Group outings, banded together through a horrible college experience, and lived a vagabond early adulthood through drugs, sex, alcohol, and disappointing parents. Shared experiences often lead to life long friendships but need more to exist beyond a customary camaraderie.

2. We were alike.

To this day, I truly treasure the bond of humor--a little off, a little twisted, a lot sarcastic, and at times requiring out-and-out slapstick. We laughed. We appreciated ironies. It was an exclusive club that you either got or didn't get. And we got it. Laughter, a medicine, often prescribed to the mentally ill and financially exhausted. We shared the same religious beliefs (although often didn't follow our convictions), the same political views (although I was more passionate about the cause and was more...well, the cause itself), we enjoyed the same activities and shared them with the same gusto. We liked the same types of people and we both loved people, even if for different reasons.

3. We were not alike.

While I feel that opposites attract, I attribute most lasting relationships to things in common. We shared the same basic values but the ways we were different complimented each other. Amanda was organized, I was anything but. We were both outgoing but Amanda was sparse in her loyalties and intimate details. Amanda was coy and discreet with her romantic conquests. I was brazen and blunt, the center of attention. There was a true yin and yang in the relationship we forged.

4. I respected her.

Everyone has their flaws. Amanda had hers. She was secretive at times (although I always knew what was up--always). She was an avoider of conflict (understanding why people have their issues helps). She was sensitive about her short comings. She broke commitments. She could not keep secrets. All of these things could be deal breakers for some. For me, I learned that I didn't need her to confess to things I already knew and didn't need to confess things to her (Danielle was better equipped for confidences). But Amanda was loyal where it counted. She was always genuine. She was open and non-judgmental of all types of people. And she never pretended to be anything she wasn't and desperately wanted the approval of those she cared about. She was a good wife, passionate mom, invested sister. People could easily observe her dedication in other areas of life--her dedication specifically to others. She was a good friend--observant. She paid attention to you. Our first year in college she knew exactly how to fix my salad down to the cottage cheese on the side and the sunflower seeds on top of the Ranch dressing. The pros far outweighed the cons. She earned and kept my respect despite arguments or imperfections.

5. The relationship was worth adjustments in my own life.

Especially in relationships where people have children and you don't, you have to learn to adjust. There are no more late night, last minute evenings. Friends who have children will now require planning, baby sitters, and 15 minute conversations that take an hour (the child will always need something--and loudly). Oh yes. And husbands you may or may not like. This is the moment you may have to walk away and wait for them. You have to make the sacrifice as the single person without children. You are on their time now and if you don't get along with the husband then refer back to points 1-4. It's all a part of the new package. Learn to adjust. Make new friends. If you forget the old ones because you refuse to change then you're the one with the issues--not your friend.

Both of my closest friends had children and were pregnant and married at age 21. I was not. I am still not. However, the experience was a milestone in my life because it taught me that sometimes you have to choose to change.

I have let go of more than a few relationships in my life. There are reasons. I will list them here and ask you to ponder your own:

1. They are mentally ill and refuse to get help.

You would think this would not apply to so many people but for me, it has. I always knew one friend was a little off but much later in life, far after she had married someone 20 years older than here and disappeared--seemingly into thin air--for the umpteenth time, she emailed me on facebook--a rant that was alarming and paranoid--accusing me of things that were preposterous (especially since I had not seen her in over 10 years). Some people are quirky or eccentric. Some people sadly, truly are crazy. If a friend is a habitual liar, paranoid, or possesses other manic qualities and they refuse to get help or acknowledge their issues, run. The possibilities of them harming you--sometimes in more serious ways than you can imagine--are quite realistic.

2. They are too different than you.

I think there are qualities you may appreciate about everyone, but some differences are too keen to ignore. If your core values are tremendously off, you may have a problem. For instance, I have had friends who have much more or much less money than me, but when the upper class friend is oblivious to the needs of the poor and spend most of their time spending exorbitant amounts of money on cocaine or your friend who lives in the low income housing puts your child in danger because her boyfriend is dealing drugs, time to cut connections. These are not class issues--they are character issues.

3. The friendship is compromising your marriage.

I feel that relationships with the opposite sex are healthy if appropriate. There can be mutual respect and admiration between a male and female that should be propitious and approved by your significant other. When a friend of the opposite sex starts making advances however, it's time to cut the connection. If you have questions about the nature of your relationship with someone of the opposite sex when you are involved with someone else, ask yourself this,"If he/she said that to me and my partner knew about it, would it be ok?" If the answer is no, then you may need to rethink your friendship. Impropriety is disrespectful although only you can make the judgment of what you deem OK or not OK.

There are other relationships that you may reconsider as well. If you are having marital issues or problems with a family member my first suggestion would be counselling although reading about emotionally incestuous relationships in the last few years has been eye opening and educational for me at the least. Here are a few selections that have been helpful to my relationships through the years:

1. The Five Love Languages -- Gary Chapman

2. The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to do When a Parent's Love Ruins your Life

3. When Someone You Love is Bipolar: Help and Support for You and Your Partner

4. The ADHD Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps

5. Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People who Drain you Dry

Live Well/Life Lessons--Coming out of the Closet

I noted the irony as I read about Heather Lende, former perfectionist, completing her master's degree in fiction writing while "hunting and pecking" the article she submitted to Woman's Day concerning her perfectionist maladies.

My thoughts? Shouldn't a fiction writer know how to type like a pro?

I can't call myself a perfectionist because I've never done anything perfectly--with the exception of creative writing and I'm certain you'll find more than a few critics who will tell you my prose is far from perfect. However, I can tell you why it's perfect. I can explain it, summarize it, and write a 6-point paper on it.

That doesn't mean it's good. That means that I think it's good. That means I'm confident concerning one area in my life if nothing else, even though my room is littered with papers and clothing (clean or not--I'm never quite certain so I end up washing it all over again...). The other area I am confident in are my relationships, which is why inviting others to my home or pig sty never embarrasses me. The people in my life love me and while they may be in limbo about loving me, I love them. Two decades of living in a ministry family ingrained at least one thing: love your neighbor as yourself.

That said, writing skills saved me in any class that required a paper: I read the book two days before the paper was due, I skimmed the science journal and used fancy words to get a B. We graduated High School without the internet. I look back and I'm thoroughly impressed with myself now knowing I had severe ADHD and bipolar disorder all in one.

I guess I'm kind of a perfectionist at having learning disabilities too.

I guess I fibbed a little before when I mentioned I picked up one lesson while growing up in church. I also learned that at the heart of a number of issues is fear and shame. Perfectionism is not excluded. According to The University of Illinois there are several fear-based factors:

• Fear of failure. Perfectionists often equate failure to achieve their goals with a lack of personal worth or value.
• Fear of making mistakes. Perfectionists often equate mistakes with failure. In orienting their lives around avoiding mistakes, perfectionists miss opportunities to learn and grow.
• Fear of disapproval. If they let others see their flaws, perfectionists often fear that they will no longer be accepted. Trying to be perfect is a way of trying to protect themselves from criticism, rejection, and disapproval.
• All-or-none thinking. Perfectionists frequently believe that they are worthless if their accomplishments are not perfect. Perfectionists have difficulty seeing situations in perspective. For example, a straight “A” student who receives a “B” might believe, “I am a total failure.”
• Overemphasis on “shoulds.” Perfectionists’ lives are often structured by an endless list of “shoulds” that serve as rigid rules for how their lives must be led. With such an overemphasis on shoulds, perfectionists rarely take into account their own wants and desires.
• Believing that others are easily successful. Perfectionists tend to perceive others as achieving success with a minimum of effort, few errors, emotional stress, and maximum self-confidence. At the same time, perfectionists view their own efforts as unending and forever inadequate.

I suppose these factors are already in my head when I invite new friends into my elderly home, strewn with clothing and dusty. Often we supply the remedy for others after we are able to relieve ourselves of fear, shame, and judgment. Judgement is a funny word--often thrown around as liberally as the word "love." It's a fine word, and find to use in the context of the latter. Making a wise choice, a good judgment, an intimate assessment of another person's flaws is perfectly acceptable in the atmosphere of love.

An atmosphere of love that has been perfected (well maybe not perfected...) in oneself first. That's the first lesson, remember? Love thy neighbor as THYSELF.

I've approached my own failures under these conditions. Open the closet, let the stuff tumble out, allow others to see it, criticize it, accept it, or otherwise. That's the first step to cleaning OUT the closet. The next steps are just as complicated and often a journey: we have to find a place for what we want to keep and what we hesitate--sometimes screaming and kicking--to throw out.

But completing the first step insures that there is at least one person to help organize the refuse.

Eat Well--Chocolate-Peaunt Butter Ice Cream...Pie

I feel that every well planned meal or baked item should be celebrated with family or friends. This dessert was prepared for my gluten-allergy boyfriend as an after dinner surprise. It's tough having a sweet tooth when wheat makes you feel so bad, but this rice-based dessert is divine! I did not have a 9 inch round spring form pan so I used an 11 inch pan and made a pie. It worked just fine!

Active Time: 10 minutes

Total Time: 4 hours 10 minutes

Serves: 12

The crust of this blissful icecream cake is essentially one big Rice Krispies Treat, with peanut butter acting as the binder instead of marshmallows. If the crust is just too tempting to resist, you can always skip the ice cream and serve it as is.

Recipe Ingredients

• 4 cups rice cereal (such as Rice Krispies)
• 6 oz semisweet chocolate, chopped
• 3/4 cup creamy peanut butter (not natural)
• 3 pints chocolate chip or other ice cream

Recipe Preparation

1. Place the cereal in a large bowl.
2. In a small saucepan, combine the chocolate and peanut butter. Cook over low heat, stirring, until the chocolate melts and the mixture is smooth, about 2 minutes.
3. Add the chocolate–peanut butter mixture to the cereal and mix to coat. Spread the cereal mixture onto the bottom and 1 1/2 in. up the sides of a 9-in. springform pan. Freeze until set, about 10 minutes.
4. Let the ice cream soften at room temperature just until spreadable, about 10 minutes. Spread ice cream evenly into the chilled crust and freeze until firm, at least 4 hours and up to 2 days.

Live Well--Charity Loves Company

A fantastic way to enrich your life is through charity work. Here are a few things that empty nesters (or anyone else) can do to pass the time and touch the lives of others:

Go to Dinner

The Underground Supper Club Signature Chef Fundraiser October 22nd will be raising money for March of Dimes. Buying a ticket and attending is a fun way to meet new people, enjoy fine dining, and contribute to a wonderful charity. Inbox me for details.

CASA

There are several positive factors in becoming a CASA volunteer. The class is funded by the organization (it is
a 30-hour pre-service training course at C.V.C.C.) and counts as a credit and is an excellent introduction into the judicial system--especially if you're interested in entering law or social work. Volunteering for this particular charity is a commitment however, and should only be approached as such. Most of the cases will last for over a year.


Presbyterian Home

The Presbyterian Home offers a wide variety of volunteer opportunities including working with youth and disabled adults. Current volunteer positions include mentors, receptionists, and tutors.


Lynchburg Grows

If you're interested in sustainable food production, Lynchburg Grows is the place for you. If gardening and food are your forte Lynchburg Grows offers a wealth of service opportunities including weeding arugula gardens and feeding animals--all within the city limits.

Here are some other great web sites for volunteering all over the country:

www.serve.gov

www.charitynavigator.org

www.activeemptynesters.com/

Live Well--Ordinary Hero

If you're looking for the opportunity to commit to a charity as we step nearer to 2012, www.ordinaryhero.org is a prime choice for those interested in contributing to a phenominal children's charity or advance missions work--or even adopt..

Determined to transform her tragedy into an eternal investment, Kelly Putty decided that being a teenage victim of a violent crime would not deter her in her adulthood. Aware of the abundant need caused by the orphan crisis (yes, it is a crisis--look at the statistics in our nation alone) and the lack of coverage in the States, Kelly founded the Ordinary Hero Organization--a nonprofit that bridges the gap between families that desire to adopt and children desperate to belong.

Visitors to the site can search for children waiting for adoption, seek mission opportunities, and support the cause by making a donation.

Live Well/Money--Buy The Way

I am probably not the only woman who browses retail web sites looking at clothes I cannot afford.


The site I like to torture myself with the most is Bluefly.com, a web site that sells "discount" designer clothing. I say "discount" because a pair of Prada shoes at $1400, while a discount to some, is not to a person making barely over minimum wage. Less extravagant sites, J. Crew, Sahalie, Jessica Simpson (while I cannot tolerating this doting goober, she does make clothing especially appropriate for curvy women) do offer sales, but are still not officially in my budget.


This month Woman's Day categorized a few "save money scams" that aren't always a money saver. I would like to add my own commentary:



Buy in Bulk and Save

 I am not a Sam's Club member because I am not shopping for a family. However, if you are knowledgable about the advantage of shopping local you will realize that some items are a better value locally. One of the items I buy in bulk are herbs from our locally owned organic store. They are much less expensive and the fresh quality isn't even comparable to chain stores. You can buy teas as well as plain condiments like pepper and oregano.



BOGO (buy one get one)


Your best bet for BOGO is grocery items. If you can use coupon on the "bought" item you can cut the price in half. For instance, buy one/get one candy bars. Got a $0.50 coupon for one double it, and it's $1.25 you can get both for essentially $0.15 each.


Limited Time Only



My best advise for clothing and accessories is, unless you absolutely have to have it, wait. After working in retail for 10 years, I will tell you--it will go on sale. I worked for J. Crew for 4 years and I will also tell you that knowing an insider is crucial. You can go onto J. Crew's web site early in the morning to get first pick of new clearance items before they sell out. If you put the price you want to pay in the search field it will also show you everything in the specific category you choose that is that price. Many of these items will not show upon just browsing. Go through their catalog, mark what you want, mark what you want to PAY and I'd say 7 times out of 10 you will be able to get it several months later--if not just one month--for your target price. For shipping tips, email me.

By X Amount, Get Y for Free


If you are offered a gift with purchase, make sure you want the gift. If you are already buying Lancome for instance, because you love their makeup, the free travel size samples may really be a selling point. But if you kind of like that pair of Clarks and they are giving away a free calculator with the purchase ask yourself, do you really NEED a new calculator? I never understood the point of most of the gifts we gave away with shoes and Macy's but what I did know was that pair of shoes the customer was buying for $59.99 now would be $29.99 later in the month...

And BUY the WAY...


Debbie Meyer Green Bags

If you're making an effort to buy fresh fruits and vegetables but you're frustrated about their shelf life, I have used these for over a year and they honestly do extend the life of produce considerably. Better yet you can wash them and reuse them to stretch your dollar.

Seek and Ye Shall Find


Invest in what your community can lend you--including friends, church, and coworkers. Why would you buy an ice cream maker for $60 when your next door neighbor has one he has never used? Before you go out spending money on a one time item, ask people to lend. People will often just GIVE you items that were going to a tag sale anyway.

Costco


Although Costco is not in everyone's neck of the woods I know they have the cheapest prescriptions and if you want the highest quality identity theft protection, as an executive member you pay only $9.99 for Total Protection by Identity Guard--including all three credit scores and reports with quarterly updates and identity monitoring as opposed to the $19.99 price directly through the company.