A Perfect "Fit"

Like most people, I always make a New Year's Resolution to lose weight and become more healthy. Since 2003, when I was diagnosed with ADHD and mild bipolar disorder, the antidepressants contributed to an average of 5 pounds per year. So by the time I quit my antidepressants in 2009 (I don't recommend this without a doctor's approval) I had gone from a 140 to a 170. In clothing terms, that means I went from a size 8 to a size 14 in 6 years.

The consequences (and there are many) of having a mental illness and a learning disability--or maybe I should positively say "challenges" include poor memory, lethargy, and fluctuating weight gain and loss, as well as poor organizational skills (how can you do something if you forget--make a list? you lose it!). It's always been my intent to lose weight by keeping a calorie log and lately, since I've had other health issues, someone recommended I keep a log of my mood, symptoms, etc.

Stress is also an issue for those who have ADHD. As I mentioned, it's extremely difficult to remember tasks, where you have placed something, or any other regular details that most people can easily glide through daily because, when you have ADHD, your mind is constantly playing your life's soundtrack on the fast track. Seriously--things move so quickly in your mind you have to concentrate to pay attention, willfully intend to stop, and you struggle to remember hour to hour, day by day. The stress from having the disability alone is overwhelming at times so if you have other life challenges, it's debilitating at times.

But I'm a naturally positive person and fairly simple (when I'm not being complex) so I was overjoyed to learn about Fitday.com.

Fitday takes care of several issues that I have because of ADHD:

1. The FOOD portion of the program allows you to find the foods you eat, select the portions, and add them to your daily food journal. What that means for me is that I no longer have to look at my labels, write down and calculate calories or fat grams, or keep track of any of it. I tested the accuracy of the calories for my breakfast this morning, including 1/4 cup of oatmeal and an egg. The journal was 100% correct in it's calculation. I was elated.

2. The MOOD portion of the program allows me to keep a written journal of how I felt that day, what I was going through--basically anything I want. Then it will give a scale of different emotions, you choose what end of the spectrum you're on for that day (sad, angry, hungry, etc) and it will color code if you are having an average day, below average day, or a good day.

3. There are pictures, graphs, and charts that are clear and accurate. You log your credentials in one area, then view your progress within another area. This section of the program allows you to see a color coded pie chart of your fat, calories, alcohol intake, etc.

4. You can track your calories burned vs. your caloric intake. It's awesome. I hate doing any form of math--this makes things so much easier. Plus, just like your food catalog, it will allow you to search what you've done (swam for half an hour, walked 2 miles) and will automatically tell you how many calories you've burned.

                                             
                                            (my friend Amber and I, at our first 5K)

I'm really excited about how easy this is going to make my life going forward in relation to my health and weight loss goals. You can join this site's Premium program for a little over $4 a month. I don't see the benefit of upgrading so far, besides not receiving ads, which may occur since you provide your email and food log. I don't care about that though. If you do, it could be a negative factor of the service.

Perhaps one day soon I can reach my goal weight, what I was in my twenties. Until that day, I can at least enjoy the relief of organizational burdens this fabulous site provides.

                               
                                                         (Joe Elliot and I, circa 2000)

What Comes Before Everything

"Do everything in love." --I Corinthians 16:10

Maybe it's the skeptic in me, but every time I read a warm and fuzzy Bible verse I think to myself,"Yeah, but what was the context of this verse? What command or demonstration of faith or trial occurred in order to arrive at this "nice" instruction? Maybe it's not the skeptic: perhaps I desire to know the means by which we become obedient.

In this particular passage of Scripture, what the Corinthians are instructed to do before "everything in love" smacks of valor--be on your guard, stand firm in the faith, be courageous, be strong. I can only assume these are only a few of the prerequisites for doing EVERYTHING in love.

As you revisit your New Year resolutions this month, think about how your commitments affect others. For me, writing more involves reaching out to others with my words and experiences. The more connection we make with others, the more at risk we become for hurt and trouble but it is also opportunity for healing and restoration--which is why the more faith and courage we have to fortify our understanding and execution of love, the better.

Also, the instruction to do everything in love helps us to question our motivation. Paul also said to the Philippians,"Do nothing our of selfish ambition or vain conceit, rather in humility, value others above yourself."    What are your intentions within your interactions with others? Is your purpose to love them, value them, affect their lives? Are you thinking about the motives and intent of others in context of how they are affecting you or how you may affect them?

This is one of the considerations that has most affected my relationships with people.

I would encourage you this year to make a list of the people in your life with which there is or has been conflict or whom you have not forgiven. Then throughout the year, gain strength and freedom by working through forgiveness.

Ho Ho Holiday Style

If you can get away with it, my best advise for holiday dress is to wear a costume. Of course, my advice for any occasion is to wear a costume. I realize that this isn't normal, but I'm not normal so I'll continue on as if it is.

Unless you're invited to your company's business party, costumes are a fun way of celebrating all holidays and anything else you can use as an excuse. If you purchase them out of season, you can also save a lot of money. Two years ago I paid $4.99 for my Mrs. Clause outfit. I was over joyed. The top was very good quality and not too risque. The bottoms are another story but for $4.99 it didn't matter. Here is a photo of me threatening The Grinch, as he has taken cake form:

This is on the top of my wish list. It needs a Red Rider BB Gun as an accessory:

This is a trick I learned this year. If you line your lips with brown lip liner (or I actually used an eye liner) it will deepen the color of your red lipstick. Before, my lip color always turned pink:

I learned this in a pinch, when I couldn't find any real lip liner on my way to see Taco Santa. In similar pinches I have learned that lipstick works as blush and on rare occasions, eye shadow:

Now let's talk about shoes. Better yet, let's just picture them:

That last pair by Nina Ricci will cost you upwards of $1500. But you're bringing peace on earth to your party in such a fabulous way.

That's all I got seeing as I haven't cut my hair in over a year. If you want to know more you'll just have to go visit Woman's Day. I do guarantee, however, they offer none of these accessories.

Bark! The Angel Harold Sings

There are only a few food items that cause me to show my palm and politely utter a pleasant,"No thanks." One is peppermint mixed with chocolate.

You may actually get a lip curl if you offer me mint chocolate chip ice cream. I don't get it. It's like licking cold gum. Gross.

Now I'll go on to explain that I will on occasion have peppermint lattes and peppermint milkshakes. It makes no logical sense.

So anyway, I made this peppermint bark and, as I always try to share my creations with others, took the greater portion (after sharing a few pieces with coworkers) out to my best friend's farm. She subsequently ate the entire batch in one rocking-chair sitting.

Which was fine with me, because I don't like chocolate and peppermint. But I did wipe the peppermint off of a few pieces and THAT was good.

In High School, we created our own Christmas album entitled "Jingle Junx." I was far more mischievous than she when it came to goofing off and causing disruptions. I was voted class clown and my principle advised me that I would not graduate if I didn't do better in my Statistics class (which was a total lie--I finished that semester with a 50). I never finished my Greek homework so my teacher would make me leave when the class went over the translation. One day I wandered the halls and, since the secretary was out, I wrote in National Sarah Day and National Danielle Day on two of the calendar days the following month.

They actually celebrated these fabricated days with banners and gifts.

Here lies evidence that you can make a huge impact if you refuse to do what you don't want to do and instead wander aimlessly through life. So far this theory has earned me an expensive vacation and several job offers of anything from modeling careers to working in politics and journalism.

Anyhow, we created a pretend album in our heads called "Jingle Junx" and I still remember the lyrics to some of the songs although she recalls none of this. The most notable may be "Frosty the Gangsta" and "Shopper's Paradise" based off of the ever so popular tune of the mid-nineties "Gangsta's Paradise."

I remember one particularly jovial piece called "Hark! The Angel Harold Sings." It goes a little something like this:

"Hark!" The angel Harold sings,
"Where the hell did I put my wings?!
Where's my music? Where's my harp?
Gabriel likes me to be sharp.

If I'm not there by half past seven,
I'll get kicked right out of heaven,
Booted passed the pearly gates,
Where the last director earned his fate.

Hark! The angel Harold sings,
Where the hell did I put my wings?"

We went to a private school and then I went on to Bible College. I was kicked out after one semester. You've already noticed a pattern of course. Apparently in Bible College you can't skip Greek class and you definitely can't date bar tenders.

There's a point here. Danielle and I are out of High School and I'm still wandering off the beaten bath and giving her stuff I don't want. That's real friendship that has stood the test of time. We're looking at 20 years in 2014. It's about time my schenanegans earned us another free vacation.

ingredients


16 ounce(s) bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
4 ounce(s) white chocolate, coarsely chopped (i used Ghiradelli)
4 (6 inches each) candy canes, chopped

directions

Line a 15 1/2- by 10 1/2-inch jelly roll pan with nonstick foil or parchment paper, leaving a 2-inch overhang on 2 sides. In a microwave-safe bowl, melt the bittersweet chocolate on high, stirring every 20 seconds, until smooth (about 90 seconds total). Spread it into the prepared pan.

In a microwave-safe bowl, melt the white chocolate on high, stirring every 20 seconds, until smooth (about 60 seconds total). Drop small spoonfuls onto the bittersweet chocolate and, using a skewer, swirl the white chocolate through the dark.

Let the chocolate set for 5 minutes. Sprinkle with the candy canes, then refrigerate until set, about 30 minutes. Break into pieces before serving

Here's a tip: take the cane and put it in foil. Then get your rolling pin out and beat it to death or if you prefer not to demonstrate too much aggression, just roll over it a few times.

This is the easiest holiday treat I have made by far. It peels right off of the foil and it's easy to break up. It also sparkles.

It cost about $13.50 to make. I believe you could experiment with the chocolate bars--my favorite being Vosages. They run about $7.50 a bar though so unless you have money to burn I'd say negotiate with Hershey's or Lindt.

My Life Through Ornaments

I enjoyed reading about Katie Couric's ornament story in December's edition of Woman's Day. Not only was it a touching story, as she has lost her husband to colon cancer, but I identified with her sentiment. It's the homemade ornaments, the old baubles and goofy decorations that sometimes mean the most. Every year, I have two boxes: my special ornaments that represent the year (starting with my "baby's first Christmas" balls) and then the box of ornaments from our annual "Dirty Santa" ornament party at church. I open them and reminisce.

I think everyone has at least one ornament that makes them laugh and one that makes them tear up every year:

Here is something I bet you all have--either an ornament you made in school or your child made in school. You can see I have always been a Rudolph fan. I made this one in Kindergarten:

Next we have an ornament from a very important year of my life--1993. I believe we all have "markers" in our lives. It doesn't have to be an event that would impress someone else--in fact, that's what makes it so substantial to our own lives: no one can ever appreciate the impact of what it may have meant to us. In this year, I met two people who would always affect my world view and, more importantly, my own intrinsic values. Included in this little silver box are keepsakes that only I can interpret. There's a broken bead necklace, soda can tabs, rocks, and a note relaying some of the "firsts" I experienced as an innocent girl of thirteen:

Here we see a very cheesy me, riding away into my last semester of High School. Those were some of the best years of my life:

This ornament makes me laugh for several reasons. One, it's great significance on a variety of levels. First, 2003 was the year I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My mother and I were both relieved to discover that my behavioral issues weren't all her fault or my fault and as we shopped for an ornament to signify the importance of this new transition of understanding, our joint, dry sense of humor demanded the purchase of this perfect ornament. Who would have known that only a few years later I would officially become the one and only Screw Lucy?

A few ornaments make us take pause and remember how and with whom we celebrate special occasions and ordinary days that become extraordinary. My best friend and I went our separate ways in the year 2000. Then in 2004, while driving to work one day, I felt the presence of the Lord in my heart and I remember speaking out loud,"God, if I ever see her out in public, whether she is angry at me or not, I am going to ask her to forgive me, and I forgive her." I felt a weight lift and a peace in the car.

A week later to the date, I received a random email from Danielle. She wanted to see me again. We met in the parking lot of Macy's and to be completely cliche, we picked up as if we had never missed time. Here is the ornament I chose that year:

In 2005, another best friend bought me an ornament that was very descriptive of my life. I had acquired a job as a retail manager--of shoes! I had over one hundred pair. I was so pleased to find this in a gift bag under the tree:

It was a very Barbie year that year--but also a year of challenges. I decided to go visit my cousin in New Jersey all by myself. I don't advise that you do this--I had to pretend to be someone else in order to make it through the six lanes of traffic and a round-a-bout (WHAT is THAT?!?) to survive, but I made it! Then on the way back home I have a very funny story that involves no rest stops and a Big Gulp cup. I'll just say, I've got skills...

This could be an ornament for all years. I always loved Harley Davidson motorcycles and swore I would have one by the time I was twenty five. I guess I'll be waiting for a while, but in the mean time, I have this ornament to tide me over:

This ornament represents 2008 and has nothing to do with my love of Sci-Fi--because I don't love it. It does, however commemorate the fact that I dated Garrett Wang, better known as Harry Kim from Star Trek Voyager. The ornament lights up, therefore far brighter than he:

In 2010, I rummaged through my ornament box only to unwrap a golden angel that had increased in value a thousand times since the year prior. I stood by the tree dumbfounded, having forgotten that I owned it--having forgotten so many things over the course of that particularly strenuous year. The cherub was on her knees in prayer, two stars flanking her to the bottom right and left.

I could barely make out the inscription, but it was still there, faint and crying out in it's simplicity: Sarah 1994 From Shannon.

I lost my brother in 2010.

Every year I hold it to my breast and remember what the holidays mean to those who mourn.

Then I laugh as I can almost hear my brother saying (he was a proud Navy man),"Hey look sis--it was made in the USA!"

We collect our ornaments, collect our emotions, collect our thoughts and our plans for the new year every season.

And then we gather together with those who remain and recollect the meaning of it all.

The Caper Crusader

Men can be a lot like children at times. This is not a derogatory nod, since many times I consider myself not only child-like but also juvenile. So when Erik wanders off in the grocery store after I've given him explicit instructions, I tend to chuckle, not reprimand him sternly.

On this particular occasion, he wasn't off making faces at himself at the mirrors on the makeup isle or pressing all the buttons on "TRY ME" toys in the clearance isle. I had requested he assist me in finding flank steak at Kroger. I was not having much success, but upon glancing down the isle in his direction, I noticed that he had deviated from his original flank quest to visit the sample platter of weenies.

For this reason, he was held solely responsible for making dinner on this particular evening.

Now I'd like to talk about capers. You don't know what they are either so you can stop pretending now and answer this question: what did you think they were?

I had an idea in my head initially of those little black sticks you put in ham during the holidays but I quickly decided those are called cloves. Then I thought,"Is it some sort of odd vegetable?" Then, I wandered the spice isle my subconscious led me to the pickle and olive section.

Capers are small, olive colored oddities that stem from the Mediterranean. They are not olives, but they taste very similar to green olives. Therefore, to the list of foods I now recognize, you may add caper to pimento.

directions


Fill a large saucepan with 1 in. of water and fit with a steamer basket. Bring the water to a boil. Place the cauliflower in the basket, cover and steam until tender, 10 to 12 minutes. Drain.

Meanwhile, heat 1 Tbsp oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Season the flank steak with ½ tsp each salt and pepper, and cook to desired doneness, 5 to 6 minutes per side for medium-rare. Let rest for at least 5 minutes before slicing.

Transfer the cauliflower to a food processor, add 1 Tbsp oil and ¼ tsp each salt and pepper and purée until smooth.

In a small bowl, combine the parsley, vinegar, capers, shallot and remaining 2 Tbsp oil. Serve with the steak and cauliflower.

tips & techniques

If you're not a fan of capers, use ¼ cup pimiento-stuffed olives to add that briny flavor boost.

I would also like to add that adding mashed, steamed cauliflower to whipped potatoes boost the nutritional value and cut down on carbs an calories. 

This meal came out to be $1.75 per serving. 

Cheating and Fish Shoes

Please don't mistake me--I love fresh food. I'll do the work. I can grate and peel and core and whatever else may be necessary. However, there are circumstances that call for cheating.

I will admit to reaching for the herbs-in-a-plastic-box and scoffing at the equivalent of herb squeeze cheese I noticed adjacent to the organic thyme and rosemary at Kroger. Of course if I had examined my motives and personal  hypocrisy, I would have noted that if I were truly keeping it  real, I would have grown my own herbs in favor of discarding them into recipes from plastic containers.

Upon observation that all the "fresh" ginger at Kroger this week were mildewed (this is the first time I've seen this at Kroger) I reluctantly grabbed the ginger goo in a tube.

This is the magnificent creation of Gourmet Garden. I say "magnificent" mainly because it totally is:

1. You don't have to grate ginger--an awkward root that is not easy to grate.

2. It's grown without pesticides.

3. It's in a tube--there is no need use to your last sandwich baggy.

4. It has no artificial flavors or colors.

5. It's easy, convenient, and you don't have to feel guilty for not using the ginger that will mildew in your own refrigerator.

Moving on to fish.

Kroger does not have the frozen kind.

Therefore, you have to buy it "fresh." Fresh fish at a supermarket equals lies. We are not near an ocean. They are frozen when they get here and thawed in a glass case on ice, perhaps with a leafy garnish. But I bought it, took it home and then, upon freeing it from the white paper wrapper (that kind of did make me feel  markety fresh and fabulous) realized how cussing hard it is to peel salmon skin away from the flesh. Sometimes when I'm caught in these situations, it helps if I imagine that I am a the type of person who can actually do these things. For instance, when I had to drive to New Jersey by myself to visit my cousin on vacation, I encountered mind numbing traffic for the first time in my life. I pretended I was someone else to survive. Therefore, in shaving the skin from sticky and difficult fish, I was wearing an imaginary chef coat and hat and I explained to my studio audience the best way to remove fish skin.

Then I noted how pretty fish skin is.

"Wow," I said to a jovial audience,"These fish skins sure would make lovely shoes--but I bet that would smell after a while wouldn't it?" The laugh track resounded through the air as I smiled and kicked up a heel, revealing my own Christian Louboutin shoes.

It's truly wonderful that I can enjoy these moments long before the company has brought over a bottle of wine.

It's great to have single friends. They can usually come over with little notice and they always want to do something fun. This particular evening, Caren brought over a huge bottle of Chardonnay (she wanted to bring red wine but I said,"Um, yeah--no. Fish..." and then she was all like,"Oh ok, fine then." And I was all like,"Yeah. You'd better recognize."

This recipe is Asian themed. We had all the ingredients except the fish, ginger, cucumber, and radishes. I bought the radishes at my favorite local market. This meal comes out to around $2.45 a serving.

ingredients

1/4 cup(s) rice vinegar

1 tablespoon(s) finely grated ginger

2 tablespoon(s) honey

Kosher salt and pepper

1 seedless cucumber, thinly sliced

1/4 sweet onion (such as Vidalia), thinly sliced

4 radishes, thinly sliced

3 tablespoon(s) low-sodium soy sauce

1 1/4 pound(s) skinless salmon fillet, cut into 4 pieces

directions

Heat the broiler. In a large bowl, whisk together the vinegar, ginger, 1 Tbsp honey, and 1/4 tsp each salt and pepper. Add the cucumber, onion and radishes, and let sit, tossing occasionally, for at least 10 minutes.

In a small bowl, whisk together the soy sauce and the remaining Tbsp honey.

Line a broiler proof baking sheet with foil. Place the salmon on the baking sheet and season with 1/4 tsp each salt and pepper. Broil for 5 minutes. Spoon the soy sauce mixture over the salmon and broil until the salmon is opaque throughout, 2 to 5 minutes more. Serve the salmon with any pan drippings and the cucumber salad.