Resignation can be a marvel.
In the later half of 2013 I decided once and for all that I would accept my size and move on with life. No more buying pants in one size smaller so that I could shrink into them. No more "when I weigh 15 pounds less I'll (fill in the blank)." I just turned 34 in July of last year and I'd finally had enough. I took a body-fat index test and I had been 6 pounds overweight for what seemed a lifetime.
And I finally decided that it was fine by me.
I'm not promoting an unhealthy lifestyle. I'm not promoting anything. I'm just saying that I finally let myself off the hook and decided if I couldn't get rid of the weight I'd get rid of the excess clothes, the guilt, the disappointment, and the pressure to invest time in reaching what seemed to be an unattainable weight. I decided if I was going to be a size 12 all my life, that was just fine. I have other things to do with my life besides worry about my weight.
So my mother mentioned she needed new jeans and I said,"Look, I have 12 pair of J. Crew pants that I have never worn because they have never fit and I will never be able to fit them. Your hips are smaller and they are the hard-to-find tall size. Take them."
So I exchanged the pants taking up space in my closet--that had been taking up space for the last five years--to provide a new wardrobe for my mom and an impetus for change labeled "acceptance." I let go of more than pants. I relinquished a method of thought and action that had not produced fruitful results--ever.
Mom returned several of the pants the following week. A few didn't fit correctly. I don't know what possessed me to try them on.
But they fit.
I have never fit into these pants. Some of them I could button, although they never fit well. Some I couldn't even get past my thighs. These fit with room. So I tried on my "skinny" jeans. They fit too.
What was going on here?!
I am still convinced I produced something magical in the spirit realm. I hadn't eaten differently, exercised more, or taken supplements. Yet here I was, just a few weeks after making my resolve to accept myself and move on, letting go of the pants lie with a subsequent slacks offering and all of a sudden I'm a size smaller? Heavens! This is madness!
This miraculous event led to more thought:
1. Progress is stifled by holding onto things we are not prepared to use for several reasons. We are lying to ourselves about who we are or what we are capable of achieving, we are not committed to responsible ownership, we are neglecting to recognize the natural cycle of reaping and sowing.
2. The desire for the end result far outweighs the level of commitment and investment required for successful achievement.
3. Acquiescing to failure is terrifying but can lead to great things if we love and accept ourselves in the midst of the acknowledgment.
Hoarders is an interesting reality program, albeit often disturbing and frustrating for the viewer. These individuals are extreme pack-rats who fill their homes and yards with trash. At times, it's hard not to laugh at some of the unbelievable items (or animals--living or dead) found within the refuse. The following lady drove home my thoughts about the lies and deceptions we tell ourselves when we reject reality and decide we would rather embrace our brokenness instead of let go and move on: