Monday, August 1, 2011

Health and Fitness--The Bloat Diet Day One (Have you TRIED Greek Yogurt?)

In my prior blog I told you that I was home schooled as a child. Well I was also gassy. Specifically, I burped a lot. A LOT. I couldn't tell you why and I'm sure with my luck one day I'll find out I have some sort of seriously illness in which the main symptom is burping (or someone will read this, know what that serious illness is, and totally tell me about it).

I remember this one time my mom's boss was in my little schooling area and I was in this big blanket on the floor for some reason (I think I was doing some sort of impression--I was known for impersonating Loretta Lynn to a T) and then I popped out of the blanket, there was this moment of silence and I let out this huge man-burp and mom and her boss just died laughing.

I think that had a really deep affect on my life because since then I've been walking around burping at inappropriate times and subconsciously expecting some kind of praise. I've dated a lot and this may be the reason. I'm looking for the perfect man who will commend me for my burping prowess.

Now flatulence is another subject. I'm not TOTALLY comfortably discussing or doing it in front of people but if there is this perfect moment where you know you are going to get a laugh then just maybe...

At this point I'm just going to go ahead and tell you that the gas issue has made me sick of late so I decided as a part of this Woman's Day project to go on this "Banish the Bloat" diet which I assume is also supposed to get rid of gas. I mean it was so bad Saturday night that I thought I had food poisoning until...well anyway today is the first day of this diet.

For breakfast you are supposed to have Greek yogurt. If you think that it's not that much different than regular yogurt you're wrong. I broke into it this morning and it's kind of like if regular yogurt and brie had a baby. Seriously. But you put berries and almonds in it did eat the whole thing. I'm not sure if there is anything I won't eat. Although I really don't care for fennel. 

This is such a challenge. I will tell you why:

1. Cooking things involves several steps. ADHD'ers have a hard time with steps. I mean you have to go buy the ingredients, cook it, pack it up, wash the dishes, then find something to do with the leftovers. Like tofu. Seriously? What do I do with the rest of tofu?

2. Um...never mind I put all the challenges under number one...

It is so hard for me not to eat what I want when I want. This was something from childhood too. I think when you grow up poor and food is your only luxury, it carries over to adulthood even if you make enough money to support yourself and have expendable income. I am still tempted by fast food and junk food because as a child, that was my treat. I really sympathize with the overweight children although I never was one. And mom cooked for me too. As a little Screw child though I equated food with being comforted and treated. 

But I am going to stick to this diet.

I am burping as I write this. And it was about a 7 on a scale of 1-10.

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